They Are Not Me

When you lie down at night

engulfed by darkness,

consumed by lust

as you put your arms around another,

and as you kiss his lips

and feel his wet tongue moving in your mouth

as he pulls you closer

– and you pull him closer too;

as you embrace him like you embraced me nights before,

and when you told me you loved me,

with the same lips that you use to kiss him,

and held me with the same arms that you use to embrace him,

and as he puts his head on your chest – listening to your heart beat

the same heartbeat I hear every night before I go to sleep;

and as your fingers entwined with his

I can only imagine yours holding mine;

as I lie on my empty bed thinking about you,

And I wonder;

“Do you ever think about me, the way I think about you?”

“Do you feel the same way as I do?”

as I lie awake engulfed by my darkness

you lie in yours,



in yours

– with another.

p.s: It’s been a while.

p.s.s: Thanks Ikah for the inspiration LOL

Random Thoughts

Loss and Gain

You cannot get everything you want in life. It’s the bitter truth. Even when you think you have everything, you’ll end up wanting more and more; and this desire drives you crazy. Sometimes, what we want are simple things – more ice-cream on a cone, a book that you have always wanted to buy but too expensive for your budget, or more patrol for your car. At other times, we want something that is more hard to get – more love, more patience, more kindness, and more time. But have you ever wondered when all the things you have wished for, have somehow been covered by the things you already have?

More ice-cream, but you already have food in your tummy. A book that you have always wanted? You already have your favorite book in your collection. Patrol for your car? How about the fact that you have gone to the car-wash and now you have a clean car? More love? Look at the people you surround yourself with. More patience? Be more accepting of others. More kindness? Be kind to people first. More time? Don’t waste what you have already got.

You see the thing about life is sometimes it makes you THINK and makes you FEEL like you haven’t got everything, but what if you already have things that you NEED to survive? Yes, we have desires and we have our wants, but sometimes you have to start realizing that what you WANT is more than what you NEED – which is what most of us already have: shelter, food, clothing, family, money.

I’m writing this to remind myself that every single time that I feel like I haven’t gotten enough, I should just look around me so that I’ll be more thankful. I am writing this because I have been saying this to myself:

“You Win Some, You Lose Some.”

I am going to start a new job soon and it’s a good job too, and I’ll be living with my family. The bad part is I’ll be away from the wonderful friends that I have made six years living away from my family. I’ll be losing a huge chunk of my independence. I am still wondering if I’m doing the right thing, but my head says it is right. My heart is torn though. It’s just weird to think that I’ll be living so far away from the people who have been such a huge influence in my life.

Well A.J., you win some you lose some.

p.s: I want Doraemon’s Pintu Suka-Hati please.

Random Thoughts

Hello 2015

It’s 15 mins to 4.00 a.m, 2nd February 2015 and I cannot sleep. I don’t have any thoughts running through my head, I just cannot sleep. It’s been a while since I’ve written something here. I don’t have any good excuse to come up with, it’s just because I’ve been uninspired – and lately I’ve been able to bottle things up without having to have an avenue to vent out. My blog has become dusty like an old book on a shelf. I keep wanting to read it, but I keep doing other things. That kinda thing.

Anyways, part of the reason why I have started to write (or blog) again is because my friends suddenly have begun blogging again after some hiatus (well, some of them) and I guess maybe I should end my silence with this post – a totally random one with no hidden meanings, no stories, no layers – a post that simply says:


The last time I blogged was in August; that’s about 5 months in the past. (5 months? It’s been that long?)

I did try to come up with some posts but I ended up storing my posts in my head, locking them away in some dark corner of my brain where people won’t be able to pry into what I have been thinking, or feeling. I guess another reason why I’ve stopped blogging is because I have somehow lost a sense of who I am as a blogger. I used to write about feelings and stuff and then peer pressure got to me and society got to me and I suddenly wanted to become a famous blogger and you know, write stuff that people would actually read. I guess I have failed because the fame part didn’t come (haha).

Another great reason to start writing again is because I am getting rusty with my thoughts and my writing skills. It’s not that I am a great writer or I have really awesome thoughts, but I do have my own style. And I guess it is fun, reading back your old posts and going,


So my new mission now in this blog is simple: to keep writing whatever random stuff I have in my head. Yeah, random and not-so-secret stuff. I guess this is a good start. I kinda always say to people you need to start somewhere, so this is my sorta new beginning I guess in the blogging world. I should have started when January 2015 rolled by, but that month is gone now. Crazy right? It’s February already.

This will be one of my 2015 goals – to keep blogging whatever random shit I have because truly I kinda miss writing, and I want to get in on the fun again; and peer pressure too if you are wondering. And I kinda miss (not) knowing people reading my posts.  So cheers to new posts!

p.s: The last post I wrote was about a struggling writer. Coincidence? I think not!

p.s.s: Thanks for the encouragements, friends.

Movie Review

The Right Kind of Wrong : A Movie Review

I love romantic comedies. It’s pretty hard to find great romantic comedies in the cinemas nowadays. What we have in our cinemas are mostly action movies, sci-fi films, and the occasional horror flicks. Anyways, I was browsing through for some movies to watch and I came across this movie called THE RIGHT KIND OF WRONG. It’s an unfamiliar movie to me because I have never heard of it but I was intrigued to find out what the movie was all about after reading the synopsis.

The movie is about a falling-out writer who has troubles bouncing his life back into game when his wife left him to pursue her career in writing – mostly about him. She becomes instantly famous because of her writings about him while he gets stuck in the rut washing dishes. Anyhow, one day, two kids came to his lawn to play when suddenly, he saw the girl of his dreams, in a white, beautiful wedding gown, about to enter the church. Instantly falling for her, the man of the hour, Leo Palamino, enters the church to witness her marriage to a handsome, tall, athletic, rich lawyer, but, that didn’t stop him from pursuing her. Along the way, you’ll see Leo embarking on a journey of self-belief, falling down, getting beaten up by high school kids, and falling head over heels for Colette. Will he be able to charm Colette and make her his?

Ryan Kwanten as Leo the struggling writer.

Ryan Kwanten as Leo the struggling writer.

What’s great about the movie is it starts off with the introduction of Leo as this failure of a guy that you will either hate or love. Leo (played by Ryan Kwanten) is a failing writer who has managed to only publish one book and since then has not yet started writing anything again. Leo is the epitome of failure, but he is not a loser. He finds solace in his simple job, living alone with his cat, and even when things are in the dump, he manages to pull himself back up again. Even with all the bad press his ex-wife is giving him (through a successful blog and book entitled “WHY YOU SUCK” – totally dedicated for Leo), he has his own way of surviving. Ryan Kwanten isn’t the most popular actor in Hollywood, but he sure did play a very convincing part of a struggling (yet witty) writer/dish-washer.

Colette (played by Sarah Canning) is a free-spirit, hippie-ish kinda woman who runs a tour company where she takes tourists through the uncharted paths. You’ll instantly see that her husband (played by Ryan Mcpartlin) and her are from two different worlds. She’s this simple girl who loves nature and the easy life while he comes from a rich family. So from the get-go, you’ll be able to tell that Leo’s more her kinda guy, but of course, that’s why movies like this are called romantic.

The cinematography of the movie was absolutely spectacular. Think of The Secret Life of Walter Mitty beautiful. Some scenes and settings were so breathtakingly beautiful that it made the movie more exciting to be watched. Honestly, if I could pack my bags and leave, the setting of the movie is probably where I’d like to go to.

The movie is pretty direct. Guy falls for a married woman, tries to win her over, and spectacular things happen along the way. There’s one metaphor used repeatedly in the movie which Leo uses as an excuse or a sign to pursue Colette: The Ghost Bear (which exists by the way, but they go by a different name: Kermode bear). Leo uses the Ghost Bear’s sightings he has as a sign that impossible things can happen (as per in the movie, getting a married girl to fall in love with you and leave her perfect husband).

As weirdly as it sounds, I don’t pity Leo in anyway though. He maybe down on his luck when it comes to a writing career, but failed writers make the best stories. Some of the monologue he has with himself is really endearing and real – Leo is a real character. He’s impossible to understand, and he has issues that only he knows how to solve, but boy is he an inspiration. He’s the epitome of the “go-getter”, someone who isn’t afraid of standing up for himself, someone who does not know shame, nor failure. He lives in the moment and I like a part in a movie where he said he loves washing dishes because it needs no commitment.

The movie didn’t garner a lot of positive reviews, but I like it none-the-less. It’s sweet in a twisted kinda way and I guess I have to thank Leo for being a lovable prick of a loser for getting me through the movie. Yeah sure it’s not good to pursue a married person no matter how hot they are, but this movie is more than just about Leo’s need for Colette’s love, but it is a movie about Leo’s survival against the world – and how he – in his own ways – become a survivor. The movie has some really great lines like:

Colette: I'm married. Leo: We all have baggage.

Colette: I’m married.
Leo: We all have baggage.

“Writing a blog does not make you a writer.” (Ouch) 

“Beautiful things that seem impossible happen everyday.”

“We’re all wrong for someone.”

I especially like the last line.


Rating: 3.5/5.0


My Fashion Philosophy

I’ve been thinking about writing a post about fashion since forever but I don’t know what’s been keeping me away from writing about it. Maybe it’s the constant change of trends, or maybe it’s the not-so satisfying feeling of not being with the fashion “in-crowd” or maybe because I know for a fact that I’m not the most fashion forward guy there is on this planet; but I’m just gonna share my beliefs and philosophies – if I can call them that – about fashion.

1. Brands

Not something you want to do in real life - becoming a billboard for the brand you're wearing.

Not something you want to do in real life – becoming a billboard for the brand you’re wearing.

Brands are great. They make you popular if you own them – especially when you have the new items the brands have for sale. But here’s the thing that irks me about brands: People misuse them almost all the time.  The misuse of brands come in so many different ways:

a. People think that by donning themselves with branded items all over themselves, they’ll be super fashionable and super-in. 

b. People who own fake brands but believe with all their heart and soul that they’re original. Even if they’re of grade A standards, they’re still fake honey – like you.

c. Owning brands does not automatically make you better than others – PERIOD.

Saving up for a branded item is great once in awhile. Quality jeans like DKNY, CK and Levi’s are great if you buy the original because they will last for a millennium. Original perfumes always smell much better. In other words, original is always better. If you cannot afford originals, just get the counterfeits, or don’t get them at all. Get a substitute, or something that is close to it in terms of style. Branding is a powerful thing in the fashion industry, but you have to remember that not all brands will look great on you. Be selective, and be smart


2. Mixing and Matching

Some ideas for guys on how to amp-up their style with clothes that they may already have in their closet.

Some ideas for guys on how to amp-up their style with clothes that they may already have in their closet.

Here’s the fun bit about fashion. People can always tell what and who you are as a person by the way you dress. It really is as simple as that to be judged. Mixing and matching different types of clothing, different brands, and accessorizing really do help in bringing out your personality. Sure some people would go more miles than others when it comes to dressing up, but that’s the fun of mixing and matching. Putting on an array of styles to suit your needs and wants can be very beneficial for you. If it goes right, you’ll stand out. If it goes wrong, you’ll stand out too.

Mixing and matching is my favorite part when it comes to fashion because you can take a pair of ripped jeans from the 80’s, couple them with a pair of black sneakers, and a crew-neck t-shirt, a pair of leather jacket and you’re ready for rock and roll. It doesn’t matter which era your clothes come from or their brands, the most important thing is you mix and match them up to create a look that is you. 

You can always style the same things in different ways too! It helps you to be creative, and it also could potentially help you to save up some storage space for more new clothes.

Same denim jacket, different ways of styling it.

Same denim jacket, different ways of styling it.


3. Dressing for the Occasion

I’m gonna exclude themed parties because ya know, that’s a whole different type of occasion. But what I’m going to talk about is basically how we would somehow dress way beyond (or way below) necessary. Weddings in Malaysia for example; some guys would attend a wedding ceremony wearing slippers and jeans and t-shirt and that’s it. I mean this is.. c’mon. At least have the decency to wear a shirt and nice pair of khakis with shoes. It doesn’t matter if the wedding is at a kampung somewhere, dress appropriately. It’s like how girls would wear dresses meant for dinner parties to malls. That’s just wrong.

Dinner tux, date look, and working man style.

Dinner tux, date look, and working man style.

 Whatever the occasion is, make sure you have the appropriate attire to bring out the best you can offer. First impressions are always important, so make the wisest choice when putting on clothes to fit the environment you are in.

4. Comfort

Here’s what most people think: It doesn’t matter what I wear, as long as I am comfortable. Sure. You can be comfortable in your jammies at home, or you can be comfortable and still look fabulous. The trick is to find something that is great looking, but at the same time that provides you with comfort. You don’t have to torture yourself to look great all the time. Find something that makes you look good and feel good and people will definitely see your confidence shining on through.

No ladies. Don't wear this when you're going to the mall.

No ladies. Don’t wear this when you’re going to the mall.

5. Ready 

Some essential items of clothing for men.

Some essential items of clothing for men.

Always have shirts, dresses, shoes and accessories that are ready made for a special occasion like an interview, dinner or for a first date. Equip your wardrobe with essential pieces that will surely up your points in the style department. A lil LBD, or classic plain black or white crew-neck t-shirt, a pair of jeans, a nice pair sneakers – anything that’s essential, get them!


The LBD is something of a must-have for every woman of every shape, every size and every cultural background.

The LBD is something of a must-have for every woman of every shape, every size and every cultural background.


6. Be Effortless

Some people just try too hard to be fashionable and chic that it just totally destroys them. Be cool and relax when it comes to picking a style. Trying too hard to impress shows. Instead, pick something that you are familiar with, and try to accessorize your outfit with different accessories. Better yet, just know what works best for you and stick with the style. When you feel like you want to change your fashion-game a little bit, fuse the style you know with the style you want to emulate. The point here is to dress-to-kill without you having to look like a serial killer.

Look how effortlessly chic and fashionable Lana is with that white plunging-neck t-shirt and purple-bluey cardigan.

Look how effortlessly chic and fashionable Lana is with that white plunging-neck t-shirt and purple-bluey cardigan.


So the above are some of my philosophies when it comes to fashion. What I truly believe is that we are all individuals with different principles when it comes to dressing up. Living in Malaysia, getting along with trends is a HUGE thing. But I guess it happens to every where else in the world. I try not to follow those trends, but instead, I will try my best to make fashion a very personal thing for me – kinda like my very own project. So I shop at bundle stores most of the time because you get high quality shirts and even t-shirts and jeans, and shoes, for such a cheap price. I definitely have a style going on with me (my friends and family point that out) and I guess that’s what fashion is all about really – making things work for you instead of the other way around. 


 *All images are taken from Google*


You Gotta Have Faith

Sometimes I look back at my life and wonder what God has in store for me. Lately, my job’s been stressing me out. My job is not normal. It’s not the 9-5 kinda job, and I do not have a specific scope of things for me to do for now. Everything’s chaotic and everything’s unstable. I hate the fact that it is unstable. 

Here’s the thing though:

About a year ago, I had this grand idea of opening a publishing company with my friends. I even told future employers at that time when I was being interviewed:

Interviewer: What do you see yourself doing in the next 5-10 years?

Me: I would like to open my own publishing house.

I kept going on and on about the idea but I didn’t really take it seriously because I had other goals to achieve first. Fast forward into the present and BAM! I’m working with my friends in a publishing company which is practically being run by us. Sounds like a dream come true for a 23 year old whose goal was to have his own publishing house; but that’s not the case here. Things are unstable and I don’t know if they’ll be stable in the next few months. A friend of mine seems to think that we WILL get to the stable plateau and finally get the publishing company up and running again. With such faith and drive, I couldn’t help but get infected by the motivation she has to make things work for every single one of us. 

It’s great to have a person such as her – one who has passion and motivation to succeed – to spearhead us into something that could be worth something in the future. It’s not like I am not as motivated nor passionate, it’s just that I am quite negative at the state we’re in. But with her around, things seem to be better. We’re moving forward every day and it’s great really. It’s not smooth sailing all the way I can tell you that. We had to move, and find a new place, we have to make executive decisions, we have to work like dogs for meager pay and for what? For an uncertain future – for something that has a 50-50 chance of either becoming successful or something that would fail.

I guess I should have as much faith as she does in the company because having faith is important especially when you’re dealing with something that is both demoralizing and tough. I should be working harder to make things work instead of becoming the individual who sinks everything into the ground. I should just try to hold on just a little bit more. This upcoming months will be the “make it or break it” moments. I’m holding on to that glimmer of hope in my head that keeps on chanting: “What if it works out?” and then another voice would echo a different scenario: “What if it doesn’t work out?”.

Honestly, both scenarios scare me. 



Movie Review

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes: A Movie Review


Taking place 10 years after the first movie, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes takes us into a glimpse of what life would be like when a deadly simian influenza breaks out from a lab and kills billions of people across the globe, leaving the now highly intelligent apes to thrive and sorta take over the world. Set in a post-apocalyptic background, Caesar is now a full-grown alpha ape. He is in control of the all the apes and together, he and his band of brothers and sisters have built a cozy nest in a forest beyond the ruins of San Francisco. The apes have lived in peace for the last 10 years without the disturbance of humankind. They have built their own communities, learned to communicate using complex sign language, learned to hunt using weapons, as well as educating themselves ala the farm animals in Orwell’s Animal Farm. However, as we all know, peace is a fragile thing in this world. All hell breaks lose when a band of human survivors comes across the apes. Fearing that things will be chaotic, Koba, Caesar’s right hand ape, decides that the humans should know who’s in control. He, alongside Caesar and the rest of the ape clan, decides to pay the human’s colony a visit to threaten them, and to let them know that they are not afraid of them anymore, and to tell the humans to stay clear of their “home”. One tricky thing though. The humans need to get pass Caesar’s home so that they can have power again – in the form of a hydroelectric plant which sits within Caesar’s home turf.

Caesar, having a soft side for humans, allows the human team led by Malcolm, to have a few days in his home turf to do whatever they need to get the power back on. Koba on the other hand, resents humans and has a plan of his own – which ultimately goes against what Caesar believes in: Peace. How will the story unfold? You’re gonna have to find out for yourself!

There are so many things that one should be most impressed about with the movie. So I’m going to make a list of why you should be impressed with Dawn of Planet of the Apes:

1. The CGI

Honest to God, the apes look almost realistic. Remember that Planet of the Apes remake with Mark Wahlberg and the apes just look like drag queens? Well that was eons ago and today, technology has help us to create almost realistic images of apes, brought to life by animators as well as fantastic actors!

2. Andy Serkis and the Gang

The bad-ass Caesar

The bad-ass Caesar

The movie wouldn’t have been great if it weren’t for the fantastic performance of Andy Serkis as Caesar. If you do not know who Andy Serkis is, you probably have heard Gollum. Yes, he’s the guy who gave life to Gollum, and he has definitely done justice to the adult Caesar. Jason Clarke, who plays Malcolm, also gave a great performance as the man who’s trust in Caesar is so overwhelming (probably because he’s scared shitless of the ape). Last but not least, Gary Oldman as the leader of the surviving humans, Dreyfus. As always, Oldman was a sight to behold, but his character in the movie kinda reminded me of the the rundown, disheveled, confused and lost Commissioner Gordon.

3. The plot

Now, you think with so many sub-plots, you’d get lost, confused and bored. But no, not with this movie. Director Matt Reeves and writers Mack Bomback, Rick Jaffa and Amanda Silver have crafted a story line so smooth, so heartfelt, so beautifully and intricately entwined that this movie is a worthy of an Oscar. It wasn’t just the smooth sailing story that was captivating, it was how the characters were developed and clear that you will get to sympathize and empathize with each and every single one of them. The writers really did do a great job of giving each important character a back story, without having to rely on too many unnecessary flashbacks.You will get to understand somehow from where each character comes from, and how the past has shaped them to be who they are in them movie, and determines the course of action that they will take in the future.

4. Underlying messages

Honestly, it is always a surprise to learn a lot from a movie that has been deemed to be one of Hollywood’s cliches before it was released. Honestly, I didn’t expect much from the movie and honestly, I thought it was going to be like one of those typical, message-less action movies but boy, was I wrong. Underneath all that ape grunting, violence and struggles between both humanity and ape, lies a profound message that this world truly needs: Peace. Caesar has been adamant about his quest to keep the peace within his tribe and yet Koba, the violent one, dares to challenge his authority to fight for what he believes in – to eradicate the humans. The humans want nothing more than surviving and having coped with the devastating effects of what they had done to each other, must now learn to survive against the imminent threat of the apes. The message here is simple: Peace is fragile, and with a slight misstep could lead to a war that can never be stopped. There are basically two themes in this movie: Peace and Trust. The word “trust” is a recurring theme in the movie, with Caesar showing loyalty towards Koba, his trust towards Malcolm and Malcolm towards Caesar. I think Peace and Trust go together very well and it is understood from the movie that when one offsets the balance of one of those themes, whatever tranquility that has been achieved will greatly be affected.

Malcolm and Caesar sharing an intimate moment together.

Malcolm and Caesar sharing an intimate moment together.

I think Reeves and his band of writers succeeded in coming up with a complex yet stunning movie without having to try too hard. The story just flows from one scene to another and the plot holes are hard to detect when you are so engrossed seeing the battle between ape and men. The juxtaposition of the characters of the apes and the humans are well constructed and leaves much room for discussion. Is this an Oscar worthy movie? Maybe, maybe not. But Dawn of the Planet of the Apes has succeeded Rise of the Planet of the Apes with a darker, much more complex plot yet beautifully executed by Reeves and his team.

If you have not watched this movie, I advise you do.

Rating: 4.8/5.0