Poetry, Random Thoughts, Short Story


“I can’t imagine my life without you now. You’re the reason I smile each day. The same reason why I go to sleep at night without nightmares knocking on my door. When I wake up, you’re the first thing I want to see, the first thing I want to touch, the first thing I want to embrace. You’re my body, my blood; my soul. You’re my whole entire Universe.

You make me happy.You make me feel needed. You want me. And I love that you make me feel that way. That I am worthy of someone like you. Someone who’s smart, caring, who knows how to treat me right. Someone who makes me laugh, spoils me with kisses and such, and someone who I run to when my day’s shitty as hell.

You make me feel special again.

I can write a million words, and I could scream on top of my lungs those three words, and I can hold you every night, and yet it will still not be enough to show how much you mean to me. It’s like a mathematical equation that would take ages to solve, a philosophical discussion that baffles people, a story book with no end.

If in any way I have hurt you, made you cry, angered you, made you feel less special, I truly am sorry. It’s not my intention. I can’t control my emotions sometimes. It’s true that you hurt the ones you love. But when I hurt you, I hurt myself too. If your heart breaks, imagine the shattered pieces of my own. Can you?

So thank you for that fateful day when you said hi. And I said hi. And we conversed. And we met. And you chose to stay.

Everyone else left when they saw my flaws.

But you, you idiot – idiot that’s in love – you chose to stay.”


P.S: Happy Valentine’s Day love birds!

Poetry, Random Thoughts, Short Story

Moon Light

It’s an unfortunately glaring night. The moon shines like sunlight, almost making me immobile. The air is dry, my skin is damped with sweat, but I’m breathing in the suffering.

A night like this reminds me of endless opportunities, boundless what-ifs and the inexplicable mystery life brings. I can’t help wondering what you’re doing right now. Are you asleep? Are you awake watching your favorite series or tuning your guitar? Did you brush your teeth and wash your succulent face with that gawd-awful facewash that I have asked you to change a million times? Do you still think about me, the way I think about you?

A night like this reminds me of our first fight. You told me I was crazy, I screamed in your face saying how you didn’t understand me. I threatened to leave but then, I saw the sadness in your eyes and I immediately regretted what I said. You became quiet. My body trembled. You pulled me closer into your arms, embraced me as if I was your whole world.

I’m sorry,” you said.

I forgive you,” I said.

Funny that a night like this reminds me of the first time we made out in your car. It was raining but somehow the moon was shining brightly still. There were no clouds shrouding the moon, as if it were like a sunny day without clouds floating above our heads. You kissed my mouth gently, caressed my body; pulled me closer to you. You yearned for me like I yearned for you. Yes, you had me, and I had you. We had each other. And then you bit my neck ever so softly. I whimpered. It was painful at first – nauseating almost – but it felt so good.

So, so good.

Now, a night like this only reminds me of the memories we used to make. You’re probably out there making new memories with someone else, while me? I still think of you sometimes. I dream of you too sometimes. But the yearning has not stopped. The yearning just won’t stop.

So, on a night like this, I hunt for a new lover. I hunt to stop the yearning you’ve implanted in me. From my window, I’ve spotted a possible candidate. A tall, well-built man of around 30. His face reminds me of you somehow. That sharp jawline, dusty blond hair, the swagger of his walk, those intense eyes.

I hope he can stop this insatiable yearning because I can’t remember the last time I went on a diet without blood and brain.

P.S: Tiada kena mengena dengan hidup dan yang mati. 


They Are Not Me

When you lie down at night

engulfed by darkness,

consumed by lust

as you put your arms around another,

and as you kiss his lips

and feel his wet tongue moving in your mouth

as he pulls you closer

– and you pull him closer too;

as you embrace him like you embraced me nights before,

and when you told me you loved me,

with the same lips that you use to kiss him,

and held me with the same arms that you use to embrace him,

and as he puts his head on your chest – listening to your heart beat

the same heartbeat I hear every night before I go to sleep;

and as your fingers entwined with his

I can only imagine yours holding mine;

as I lie on my empty bed thinking about you,

And I wonder;

“Do you ever think about me, the way I think about you?”

“Do you feel the same way as I do?”

as I lie awake engulfed by my darkness

you lie in yours,



in yours

– with another.

p.s: It’s been a while.

p.s.s: Thanks Ikah for the inspiration LOL