It’s an unfortunately glaring night. The moon shines like sunlight, almost making me immobile. The air is dry, my skin is damped with sweat, but I’m breathing in the suffering.
A night like this reminds me of endless opportunities, boundless what-ifs and the inexplicable mystery life brings. I can’t help wondering what you’re doing right now. Are you asleep? Are you awake watching your favorite series or tuning your guitar? Did you brush your teeth and wash your succulent face with that gawd-awful facewash that I have asked you to change a million times? Do you still think about me, the way I think about you?
A night like this reminds me of our first fight. You told me I was crazy, I screamed in your face saying how you didn’t understand me. I threatened to leave but then, I saw the sadness in your eyes and I immediately regretted what I said. You became quiet. My body trembled. You pulled me closer into your arms, embraced me as if I was your whole world.
“I’m sorry,” you said.
“I forgive you,” I said.
Funny that a night like this reminds me of the first time we made out in your car. It was raining but somehow the moon was shining brightly still. There were no clouds shrouding the moon, as if it were like a sunny day without clouds floating above our heads. You kissed my mouth gently, caressed my body; pulled me closer to you. You yearned for me like I yearned for you. Yes, you had me, and I had you. We had each other. And then you bit my neck ever so softly. I whimpered. It was painful at first – nauseating almost – but it felt so good.
So, so good.
Now, a night like this only reminds me of the memories we used to make. You’re probably out there making new memories with someone else, while me? I still think of you sometimes. I dream of you too sometimes. But the yearning has not stopped. The yearning just won’t stop.
So, on a night like this, I hunt for a new lover. I hunt to stop the yearning you’ve implanted in me. From my window, I’ve spotted a possible candidate. A tall, well-built man of around 30. His face reminds me of you somehow. That sharp jawline, dusty blond hair, the swagger of his walk, those intense eyes.
I hope he can stop this insatiable yearning because I can’t remember the last time I went on a diet without blood and brain.
P.S: Tiada kena mengena dengan hidup dan yang mati.