Poetry, Random Thoughts, Short Story


“I can’t imagine my life without you now. You’re the reason I smile each day. The same reason why I go to sleep at night without nightmares knocking on my door. When I wake up, you’re the first thing I want to see, the first thing I want to touch, the first thing I want to embrace. You’re my body, my blood; my soul. You’re my whole entire Universe.

You make me happy.You make me feel needed. You want me. And I love that you make me feel that way. That I am worthy of someone like you. Someone who’s smart, caring, who knows how to treat me right. Someone who makes me laugh, spoils me with kisses and such, and someone who I run to when my day’s shitty as hell.

You make me feel special again.

I can write a million words, and I could scream on top of my lungs those three words, and I can hold you every night, and yet it will still not be enough to show how much you mean to me. It’s like a mathematical equation that would take ages to solve, a philosophical discussion that baffles people, a story book with no end.

If in any way I have hurt you, made you cry, angered you, made you feel less special, I truly am sorry. It’s not my intention. I can’t control my emotions sometimes. It’s true that you hurt the ones you love. But when I hurt you, I hurt myself too. If your heart breaks, imagine the shattered pieces of my own. Can you?

So thank you for that fateful day when you said hi. And I said hi. And we conversed. And we met. And you chose to stay.

Everyone else left when they saw my flaws.

But you, you idiot – idiot that’s in love – you chose to stay.”


P.S: Happy Valentine’s Day love birds!

Poetry, Random Thoughts, Short Story

Moon Light

It’s an unfortunately glaring night. The moon shines like sunlight, almost making me immobile. The air is dry, my skin is damped with sweat, but I’m breathing in the suffering.

A night like this reminds me of endless opportunities, boundless what-ifs and the inexplicable mystery life brings. I can’t help wondering what you’re doing right now. Are you asleep? Are you awake watching your favorite series or tuning your guitar? Did you brush your teeth and wash your succulent face with that gawd-awful facewash that I have asked you to change a million times? Do you still think about me, the way I think about you?

A night like this reminds me of our first fight. You told me I was crazy, I screamed in your face saying how you didn’t understand me. I threatened to leave but then, I saw the sadness in your eyes and I immediately regretted what I said. You became quiet. My body trembled. You pulled me closer into your arms, embraced me as if I was your whole world.

I’m sorry,” you said.

I forgive you,” I said.

Funny that a night like this reminds me of the first time we made out in your car. It was raining but somehow the moon was shining brightly still. There were no clouds shrouding the moon, as if it were like a sunny day without clouds floating above our heads. You kissed my mouth gently, caressed my body; pulled me closer to you. You yearned for me like I yearned for you. Yes, you had me, and I had you. We had each other. And then you bit my neck ever so softly. I whimpered. It was painful at first – nauseating almost – but it felt so good.

So, so good.

Now, a night like this only reminds me of the memories we used to make. You’re probably out there making new memories with someone else, while me? I still think of you sometimes. I dream of you too sometimes. But the yearning has not stopped. The yearning just won’t stop.

So, on a night like this, I hunt for a new lover. I hunt to stop the yearning you’ve implanted in me. From my window, I’ve spotted a possible candidate. A tall, well-built man of around 30. His face reminds me of you somehow. That sharp jawline, dusty blond hair, the swagger of his walk, those intense eyes.

I hope he can stop this insatiable yearning because I can’t remember the last time I went on a diet without blood and brain.

P.S: Tiada kena mengena dengan hidup dan yang mati. 

Random Thoughts, Uncategorized

Kau Sexy Kau Patut Kena Raped

The internet is hyped about the return of the serial rapist Selva Kumar. Now if you don’t know who this man is, click on his name.

What’s interesting about his return doesn’t revolve around the actual rapist, but around the society that he’s come home to. Many people jeer his presence and request for him to not be accepted in the country, while there are some who support his return in hopes that he’d ‘educate’ women by raping them – because women dress too sexily – hence fall victim to rapists.

To note some examples, I will link you to Twitter accounts who support this man’s return. Now, besides supporting the idea of welcoming home a SERIAL rapist, these men (who shamefully are Malays, Muslims and Islam), have made claims that because  women dress to scantily, they deserved to be raped. One Twitter account suggests that men CANNOT control their urges (or nafsu) hence, a raping spree is unavoidable. How pathetic can men be? And we blame women for our sickening nature? *clapclapclap*

If I were parents to these sick kids, especially if I’m a mother to them, I’d be deeply troubled and ashamed. These kids are the future and if they’re part of the future, our future seems bleak.


Kau paham tak sekarang, masalahnya, fucktards ni cakap kau pakai sexy, kau memang patut dirogol. Bodoh tak argument tu? Dah tu bebudak bawah umur yang didera, di-molest, dirogol, dibunuh tu macam mana pulak? Sexy ke bebudak bawah umur tu? 

Nah, read some:

1. 3000 rape cases in Malaysia

2. Girls falling victim to sexual predators

3. High Rape Cases in Malaysia

These are only some of the many links on rape cases in Malaysia. There’re more cases out there, some maybe left unreported by the victims for fear of their lives, or even worst, being mocked and judged by society.

Our society is getting sicker. What irks me most is that these people shallowly link religious commandments which instruct women to cover themselves while at the same time, blinding their eyes towards ayat Quran which states that men should control their gaze and nafsu as well. The Quran states that men should protect the women, but look what society has turned itself into.

Now, we need Sex Education more than ever. Sex Education is NOT ABOUT TEACHING PEOPLE ON WAYS TO DO SEX (THAT’S KARMASUTRA), but Sex Ed is about raising awareness on issues pertaining to sexual matters which include health, awareness, contraceptives, STDs etc. Here’s a link to Singapore’s Sex Ed scope.

I’m a small fish in a big world, heck we’re all small fishes but please, don’t be shallow minded and become assholes on the internet. Your arguments are invalid and will forever be invalid.

p.s: Don’t be an idiot and an asshole.